This one has been bothering for me quite a while. I’m sure it’s bothered you as well. Does this sound familiar?

You are standing in line to use the ATM at your local bank/gas station/7-11. The person currently trying to use the machine is pressing every option available except the one they need.

…OR

The person currently trying to use the machine is repeatedly swiping their card facing the wrong way.

…OR

The person currently trying to use the machine is using it in the wrong language and is staring at the screen, dumbfounded and amazed at the technology.

…OR

The person currently trying to use the machine is obviously some sort of economic genius, because it would seem, with the amount of time they are taking, that they are balancing the Federal Budget, plus the budgets of at least 4 third world nations, quite possibly including their own home country.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This is all quite annoying. So, as I’m want to do, here are some suggestions for those of you that find ATM technology a bit too daunting. Feel free to share this with others.

• It’s best to select your native language. If you don’t speak English and try to use the machine in that language, you are just pissing people off because you are taking too long. Oh hell, you aren’t reading this anyway since you don’t speak English
• On the screen there are clearly written directions for whatever language you choose. If you take the time to read the screen, it will tell you which buttons to push and when. This is easy, 2nd grade level stuff here gang. Pay attention!
• Check your balance, get your money, step away from the machine. If you need to do more, go instead or use the website for your bank. You are pissing people off behind you
• Finally, if you think you have read all of the instructions and still don’t understand how the machine works, go back to writing checks. You are obviously too stupid to handle the little plastic card. Pen and paper may be all that’s left for you.

About 3 years ago I went completely digital with my money. Pay my bills online, don’t write checks, check balance online, all that. But, on occassion, I still need cash. And when I do, I want to get to the machine, get my money and leave. I don’t want to have to wait for Genius McNumbnuts over there trying to figure out how to get his free toaster out of the damned machine.

5 Responses to “ATM Machines”

1. paul Says:
   March 12th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

   Spot on the money, db. Let me add drive-through ATMs – if you are using the drive through, please don’t pull up to the machine and then start filling in your deposit slip, or fumbling for your card. We’ve been in line 5 minutes already. And my latest rant – people using the drive through only to get out of their vehicle and walk up. This happens a lot out in the Valley where the redneck in his tricked out truck can’t reach the machine from the driver’s seat…

2. Josh Says:
   March 12th, 2008 at 7:44 pm

   That’s the nice thing about being tipped, I almost always have a bit of petty cash on hand.

   My favorite though is people who pull up to the ATM and turn their radio down. Like it’s going to talk to them.

3. db Says:
   March 12th, 2008 at 9:20 pm

   My favorite though is people who pull up to the ATM and turn their radio down. Like it’s going to talk to them.

   Leftovers from the old drive-up window banking days. Good times, good times.

4. chans Says:
   March 13th, 2008 at 6:09 am

   I laughed out loud at “Genius McNumbnuts.”

5. db Says:
   March 14th, 2008 at 9:02 pm

   I’m truly amazed that nobody has bothered with the ‘ATM Machines’ is redundant comment.

   Oh, wait. y’all are cool over here, I keep forgetting that. My bad

Leave a Reply

Comment moderation in full effect!

All comments at donburnside.com are moderated by my first rate team of robot warriors, ready to do battle with all the nare-do-wells that stalk the interwebs!

Besides, it's only your first comment (per IP address if you are commenting from work and home) that the robot warriors have to approve. After that it should be clear saling! If not, contact db and I'm sure he'll hook you up.

Finally, for those of you in the know, Markdown is available as it a very small set of HTML tags. If you are scratching your head, don't worry, it's just geek stuff. You can still comment!

Thanks for stopping by!